Hello everyone,
How many minutes a day do you spend resolving power struggles with your children? If you dont think you have 10-20min a day for each child just think about the time you’ll save in the long run 😉
My son really struggles during vacation. He’s very independent and likes helping me prepare our meals, deciding on snacks, serving himself, choosing his outfit for the day, picking out activities, and spending time with me when his sister is sleeping.
During vacation my attention is split with family, friends and spontaneous schedule changes. My son was just having meltdown after meltdown and I was at a lost.
I’m not oblivious or excuse the negative behavior but it does get frustrating. It also triggers the judgemental comments from others in the situation. Yes your child is doing nothing wrong but your child is also in their home with their usual routine. Do you really believe they’ve never done anything wrong?
Have you not noticed this pattern during playdates? Anywho, done with the rant…sorry!
I realized the days he did better he had extra attention. A key component to our schedule I had forgotten and hadn’t made a priority over vacation.
I also realized the same situations occurred Sundays and occasional weekends. All because I am jumping from task to task and not giving him individualized, undistracted, attention. (This is where I can improve on busy mornings knowing it makes a difference).
Litterally all it takes is 10min twice a day. If you can only do it once a day that’s better than nothing. However think about it like eating or drinking can you really get by with it only once a day?
Kids crave attention, nothing new, but so often the majority of the attention is negative in their attempt to seek it.
My son loves our one on one time! He’s only 3yrs old so I’ve simply noted some of his favorite activities. I then give him 2 to choose from so we dont spend the whole 10min deciding! 😉 Usually it’s just as easy as joining in on whatever he is already doing. Pretty often it’s more like 20-30min when we choose a game.
With my 16 month old I have to be more creative since her brother is always around. Usually our first 10min is reading books while he is coloring or playing with blocks. In the evenings my husband will play with my son or he’ll get an extra 10 minutes of bath time while I play with her.
It doesn’t have to be extravegant outings or activities. Just show interest in their interests!
Some of my son‘s favorite activities:
- Games- memory games, hungry hippos, elefun, break the ice, janga, lucky ducks, let’s go fishin, etc.
- Cars -plays with them on his mat, track or around the house.
- Dinosaurs -knows their names, sounds, and characteristics.
- Acting out characters -takes various animals and figurines to act out a story.
- Reading – I roatate the books on his bookshelf so there’s always something new. He tells the story or I read it.
- Sorting– shapes, colors, blocks toys.
- Building -blocks, Legos, playdough.
- Baking– cookies, muffins, etc.
- Coloring– books and plain paper
- Running– literally runs laps in our yard with a start and end point.
- Climbing– trees, jungle gym, fort. You’re never too old for this 😉 He loves when I join!
- Playing with balls-basketball, soccer, golf, catch.
- Blanket forts-top of his list!
Some of my daughter’s favorite activities:
- Books – she loves choosing books to read. Flap books being her favorite!
- Building – just like her brother 😉 she still likes to taste everything so we stick to blocks and legos.
- Puppets/dolls– she loves mimicking words and sounds and this offers a variety.
- Puzzles– she loves the wooden boxes with shapes but also regular puzzles.
- Little people figurines– she drives them in cars and plays with them in her princess castle.
- Bubbles– always a hit!
- Climbing and jumping– we have a little slide and trampoline inside she loves.
- Cloud dough– not harmful to eat and she loves the texture.
Note: Grocery shopping and errands don’t usually count since you’re not free from distractions and another sibling is often present (mentioned below).
This may seem overwhelming at first but start small. You can also split the time with your spouse. You can each take one morning and night or trade off nights if thats easier. My son loves the quality time with his dad!
It’s easier with just one or two childrem but also possible with more when you write it into your week!
I was from a large family but when I was younger my dad would take turns going on walks with us, reading with us, helping us with homework, or completing a project, it really made a difference. My mom took time to be our actual teacher which required a lot of one on one time. She was patient teaching us new skills when she could’ve completed them so much faster on her own.
What you think of your child really impacts their self worth. They are constantly feeling a need to belong and contribute to their family.
Give them that opportunity and give yourself the opportunity to bond with your child!
Only 2 rules:
- No distractions: cell phones,computers, t.v. Even your own thoughts and to do lists.
- No one else; should only be you two! No siblings, spouses, friends or family.
You’ll be amazed how effective it is!
Happy bonding,
Disclaimer–
I’m no professional,and still learning myself , but have studied child psychology and have experienced a positive outcome with this tactic in our home.
I am also not saying it will eliminate every meltdown, especially for kids under 5yrs old,but it has significantly decreased the number of daily meltdowns.
Marks of Motherhood 